My first memory of him. I remember him as standing near the Mamood junction, an interior part of Kottayam town. The Kerala heat can be searing during September. This was 2002. Global warming may have affected the small bylanes of Kerala too. But I wouldn't know about that because I didn't know about global warming then. We were too local to be global. And too young to be informed.
Maybe its the innocence of youth which doesn't let us over analyze climate, politics, global affairs or people. Or judge them.
I'm glad I knew him then, and not in today’s skeptical, busy world. Because, that man in the black Esteem near the junction became one of my favorite father figures. Appa.
‘Enthonde Vishesham?’
One of my closest friends' father. August of 2002 is when I joined college in Kerala for my graduation. I grew up and lived in North India all my life. So here I was - uprooted from a safe, familiar and noisy nest to the green, clean and boring Kerala. It was intimidating. Of the many people who accepted the weird outsider was Appa. When we first met, yes at the junction, the first question he asked me was a smile. And why do I say that?
Because the usual introduction with NRKs (Non Resident Keralite ) is ‘Enthonde Vishesham?’ (please choose any of these translations - who the heck are you?/ why are you rich?/ why are you not mallu?/ when are you getting married? ). Two intrusive words enough for outsiders to want to be outside always.
Appa however didn't make me uncomfortable. His warm, twinkly smile patiently waiting in the searing heat beside his Esteem only made me feel welcome. Treesamol. In one word he made me feel less of an outsider. Mol is an endearing term like beti or little one. It takes years for relations to call younger girls/daughters that. All I had to do was cross the road to his car and smile sheepishly and he addressed me warmly. No assumptions. No questions. :)
The girl needs gravy!
He was a world of amazing cooking, smart answers, gentle mocking and did I say he cooks amazing? If I remember right he made kappa and beef fry the first time I was in that beautiful home. I’m not a fan of dry food. My puttu needs flowing kadala curry, the rice needs lots of dal and kappa ofcourse needs cascading chicken curry. He smiled again patiently at my amateur girlish cooking queries of the sort I just stated. And just said ‘nee kazhichu nokke, pinne para’ (try and taste and then tell me).
Uff! That kappa was rightly seasoned and the beef. Oh my. So yummy and earthly. Both together was as rightfully combined as Mohanlal and Anthikad. Batman and Robin. Me and books.
You get the drift.
Just like that he knocked off some of my assumptions. Mallus who can be warm and rightful combinations from unheard of food variety.
Left? Rubber trees. Right? Rubber trees
Children and young adults are often mocked, right? Unless you tease and admonish with a couple of wisecracks, you haven't reached middle age. Once when I was visiting Appa with my uncle I lost my way due to my superb sense of direction. (Yes even after visiting his home twice) My uncle was also not very familiar with the place. After several ‘where and which’ direction guidance, he told me in deadpan humor, “If on your left and right are rubber trees then you have almost reached.”
Anyone living in interiors of Kerala know that that's not a helpful map at all. Because we have abundance of them rubber trees everywhere!
Appa’s humor sense came in every shape and form - quiet, straight faced, pun etc But he never looked down on me. :)
Beer under a starlit night
Many moons ago when it was frowned upon
women drinking,
wearing jeans,
wearing sleeveless,
sitting feet apart on bike,
talking to the opposite sex, etc. It was refreshing to see someone like Appa not make a big deal of all of those. At one Christmas gathering at my friend's aunt’s home, I felt like experimenting with an innocent beer. However, I was conscious of log kya kahenge. I could feel thousand judgmental eyes boring into me ripping me of the careful image we women have to build over the years. (Has anything changed now?)
And guess who asked me if I wanted a chilled Kingfisher? Appa. :)
No questions asked and no mocking. Though I do remember a twinkle in his eye. And ofcourse the mocking did come, years later in occasional visits to show how fondly he remembers that time.
We all sat under the starlit night, had beer, teased each other and talked away.
So many conversations over the years which got lesser with each passing phase. Distance, life events, work, children - things which unintentionally take us away from the best people in our lives. But their memory, the way they influence us, the manner in which they uphold our respect is unforgettable till the end of our lives. There is nothing which can replace their worth. Our talks may grow lesser but the bond is always there.
You are no more today Appa but you were a quiet inspiration to how daughters should be respected and loved. Your twinkle will always be missed.
No comments:
Post a Comment